Blogging in Sickness and in Health

I love this song “Hope Fell Down” from the album Difford & Tilbrook sung by Chris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook, the British duo from Squeeze. The phrase “Hope fell down” describes my past few days perfectly…and I’m not alluding to politics. Just my out-of-whack digestive system.

 

Hi everyone,

I’ll post Part Two of Afterlifethoughts and Angels next week; I’m not in the most angelic of moods today and the topic deserves to be written when I’m in a better state of mind & body. I got sidetracked this week by a stomach bug that struck Tuesday night and it made me feel inhuman, devoid of hope, and a big bitch to anyone crossing my path.

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I made the big mistake of not immediately getting ahold of my glorious liquid salvation (a.k.a. Pepto Bismol) which I can safely take with my meds. I have two bottles now and those puppies are worth their weight in gold.

The bug was weird because it would come and go unlike any other variety of ick I’ve had. I thought I was doing better yesterday, enough so that I took Lucy out for her late afternoon walk. While I seemed okay physically, I wasn’t thinking clearly, because I took her at the absolutely wrong time of day in the redwoods: dusk. 

Why is that wrong?

One word: mountainlions.

(Okay, okay, that’s two words, but you know what I mean!)

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A three-week-old puma cub – awwww! Like human babies, they’re so dang cute when they’re little, but when they grow up they say “I hate you!” or they eat you!

I know what to do if I see a mountain lion: I make myself appear bigger in size, i.e. raise my arms high, yell, throw rocks, and DON’T RUN! (That awesome info. is courtesy of the local Santa Cruz Puma Project.)  I should’ve known better! At least I got so freaked out and mad at myself for my stupidity that chances are high I won’t ever make the same mistake.

When I got home, I ate dinner on auto pilot – I wasn’t hungry. Big mistake. Then I was sick again, and I felt less than human into the wee hours of the morning.

Today I have the huge luxury of being able to stay home and take it easy. My husband dropped off the kids at school and he can pick them up too. This kind of help is something single parents often don’t have. I don’t forget how fortunate I am to have a partner to turn to for support when I’m sick.

Black Mirror’s Season Three, Episode One, Nosedive

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Being bedridden has been the perfect opportunity to binge watch a riveting, disturbing series called Black MirrorMake that Disturbing with a capital D, but it’s fascinating all the same. The British series has been compared to the Twilight Zone, but I think it’s a totally separate animal.

I’m up to Season Three’s first episode called Nosedive and it’s one of my favorites; I’d suggest watching this one first instead of Season One’s first episode about the Prime Minister. Trust me. (Each episode is a contained story so you don’t need to watch them in order.)

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Lastly, I want to share with you about my friends Jean Lee (Jean Lee’s World, author of Middler’s Pride on Wattpad) and Ann Preston Roselle’s (Bipolar & Me) inspiring, extraordinary blog posts.

Jean, one of the best writers I know, reveals facing “The Monster” who sexually abused her in “These Worlds Are Knives and Bridges.” She is coming to terms with being a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of a family member. I can’t tell you how amazed I was at this woman’s strength after I read it. Even though she wrote about dealing with a horrific kind of abuse, her post brought me up, not down, because of her bravery. She has taken a road so high it’s touching the clouds. 

Ann’s post “Maintaining a Little Hope” beautifully, poignantly expresses how  she has gone through the sheer hell of depression, but she didn’t let bipolar disorder steal her goals or her hope. She’s a tremendous role model and power-house advocate. I can’t wait to call her Dr. Ann! 😉 

I’ll see you after Thanksgiving – in the meantime, I send you lots of love and strength as the holidaze begin. Be good to yourselves!

Love,

Dyane

 

Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Carol Henshaw (co-author of The Modern Management of Perinatal Psychiatry) will be published by Post Hill Press in October 2017.

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I Get By with a Little Help from Total Strangers…

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This post is dedicated to one of my favorite bloggers Blahpolar of Blahpolar Diaries

https://bipolardyke.wordpress.com

 

I’m sitting near Woman’s Best Friend at this very moment.  My sweet puppy Lucy is reclining next to me while I hunt and peck slowly, groggy from taking a bit too much Seroquel the previous night.  Lucy sidles up next to my foot so that we’re touching skin-to-fur.  I can feel her soft warmth as she snoozes, and our being together is one of the best parts of my day.  

I want to apologize for whining repeatedly about my difficulties with keeping up healthy friendships – both in the flesh and online.  I’ve blogged ad nauseam about how lonely I’ve felt in this conservative mountain town ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2007.  I’m going to whine a little bit more, but please bear with me.  The whining might will eventually end! 

As Kathy Griffin says, “Here’s the thing.”

(I don’t love everything about her, but I do think she’s funny.)

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After one of my few local, longtime friends “S.” unexpectedly moved 500 miles away in December, I felt even lonelier.   Years ago S. experienced postpartum depression and she took medication for it.  I never felt for a second that she judged me for having a mental illness and taking meds.  S. often told me that I meant a great deal to her, not because I was needy and I required her to do that, but because she wanted to shower me with gratitude!  

I knew that if I mentioned to S. that I was experiencing major fatigue from a medication adjustment, she’d immediately offer to help me.  Indeed, I had medicated-related fatigue hit me hard last fall, and lo and behold, S. was there for me from the start.  I didn’t have to ask her to help me – she figured that out on her own.

Empathy and offers of help didn’t occur to several other friends who I informed about my fatigue.  It’s possible these women had never taken psych meds, and therefore they couldn’t imagine what that level of med-related exhaustion was like.  But perhaps they were taking meds in secret.  I don’t know.  I wondered, but I never felt comfortable enough to ask any of them if they were taking medication for mood disorders.  There are numerous moms who still don’t want to tell their mommy friends if they take meds due to the insidious, ever-present stigma. But I digress.

Now more than ever before, I’ve wanted to form friendships with women who have psych diagnoses, who take meds, and who are willing to share that information with me.  Being the only one in my IRL circle who’s “out” with my stigmatized mental illness has made me weary. It may sound limiting to focus on being friends with other “labeled” women, but that’s what I want.  Hell, I’m not asking anyone else to do it!  

I knew that in order to meet women living with mental illness, I’d have to take the plunge and create another support group for those with mood disorders.  Been there. Done that.  I made a shitload of mistakes in the doing, but at least I learned a thing to two! 

This time around I’ll have the group primarily be about having fun and nurturing friendships; I don’t want it to be a replacement for intense group therapy. We won’t just sit on our butts either – we’ll go on hikes and embark on other fitness/nature activities. After all, I am a former American Council on Exercise certified personal trainer and P.A.C.E. Circuit class instructor!  

To that end, last month when I spied a 50% special on Meetup.com to create a group, I made a split-second decision to sign up, just like Meetup wanted me to do!  I found out after I signed up that the 50% deal was for first-time Meetup organizers only, which I was not.  However, I emailed Meetup and told them I thought anyone could get the 50% off, and a friendly customer service representative gave me the special anyway. I took that as a good omen.

The last time I tried forming a Meetup group it didn’t go so well.  I made that group’s requirements far too limited (i.e. a group for moms with bipolar who lived in this county).  As a result, only one person applied who lived two hours away, and she wasn’t a mom.   

Within just two days of my new group’s inception, I got an awesome, strong response. Twelve women are confirmed, and there are two members pending!  I went a little gung-ho on promoting it, so I’ve made a waitlist.  I’ve learned from facilitating a DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) support group with 22 women in attendance that having too many people is counterproductive and overwhelming for everyone.  

I felt sad that two members who wanted to join my new group were concerned that people from other Meetups would notice they were in a group for those with mood disorders.   Of course they were scared of the stigma of mental illness, and I completely understood why they wanted confidentiality.  I explained how they could hide their personal Meetup information from others online,and that made all the difference.   I was reminded yet again that despite the strides being made in mental health advocacy, there is a LONG way to go!

We don’t have our first meeting until the end of February.  I’ve scouted out a peaceful outdoor location near a State Park.  This area has gorgeous redwood-lined trails where I’ve spent hundreds of hours hiking alone. For safety reasons, that wasn’t the greatest idea, although I carried my cell phone and pepper spray.  I’ll take a friend along from now on, since unfortunately Lucy isn’t allowed in the State Park. 😦  

Anyway, a couple days ago I was informed of a mountain lion sighting in the general area where I plan to hold the group.  The big cat wasn’t in the exact same spot as our meeting place, but I had to laugh.  Was this some sort of sign?  

The mountain lion’s appearance has created quite a stir in my two neighborhood Facebook groups. Several members have shared a ton of mountain lion lore with the others.  I figure that chances are good that if we have a large group of women meeting together, we won’t be attacked by mountain lions.  There are humane actions we can take to scare it/them away – if you’re interested, check out this local link:

http://santacruzpumas.org/mountain-lion-faq/

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While I’m scared to organize yet another support group, I have a much better feeling about this one than I did with the other four support groups I ran.  Despite all my problems (including social anxiety and the Seroquel sleepies) I’m in a better place to do this sort of thing than I ever have been before.  

My daily “Dr. Mohmmad Alsuwaidan” workouts are helping me tremendously.  Plus, once I get to know the other group members in person, you can bet I’ll ask them for help, and recruit a co-organizer or two.  Going it alone is foolish!  

I’ll return next week to write about…drum roll please…WRITING!  I might be posting earlier than my regular day on February 6th, so stay tuned.  

Thanks for your wonderful comments.  I swear that when I read each one I get a little spike of serotonin in my brain.  I’ve read articles that suggest that a serotonin spike actually does happen! So don’t hold back if you want to comment, and if it’s only a two words, I bet the serotonin is still activated. 🙂

I’ll see ya round!

love,

Dyane 

 

I had to include this classic – I’ve always loved this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y39MjhVrf_Y

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