Facebook, Unfriending & Havoc Created: Part 1

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I rarely reblog, but I’m reblogging this post for several reasons. First, the blogger Grief Happens (So Does Joy) is a superb writer. I’m a huge fan, and I suggest you visit her blog and get to know her and of course follow the blog. She also writes at a new blog called Live. Snap. Write. – Exploring what moves us. Take a peek.

Another reason will be obvious to those of you who read my last post “Mommy, It’s Her Loss” about my being unfriended by someone I trusted, promoted and admired. I’m still giving the issue far too much attention in my head, but it has gotten better each day – much more quickly than I expected, as a matter of fact.

Why?

Well, after I got such empathic, insightful comments from you, my blogging friends, your support truly helped me. There’s no other explanation for it. 🙂 So thank you again! (I still plan on replying to a few comments, by the way. Each one is a gem.)

I’m so glad you’ve stopped by today. As always, I’m grateful to you for reading this blog! See you at the end of this week with my Friday post, and take good care of yourselves.

Love,
Dyane

Grief Happens

On Friday, I read a post on my friend Dyane’s blog that reminded me of a life-altering experience my friend, Tara, had several years ago.

I do a lot of thinking about social media — the connections, behaviors I see, the benefits, the drawbacks. I ponder how I prefer using various platforms, both personally and professionally, and often find myself weighing the pros and cons of meshing my professional life and personal life within virtual spaces. It’s a tricky thing. I have no firm answers, but I’ve determined that so much of it is a highly individual decision that varies depending on the situation.

I find myself frequently having these conversations with  real-life friends, often after they’ve had negative experiences and need to talk through them.

I commented on Dyane’s blog and shared that I wanted to add more but was pressed for time and would do my best to…

View original post 1,671 more words

The Unfriending – October Update

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A couple days ago I had an experience that completely unnerved me.

Someone with whom I had an intense virtual friendship with, but had never met in person, unfriended me on Facebook with no warning.

I was surprised at my reaction.  The abruptness of her unfriending stirred up deep feelings of rejection and insecurity within me.  I was also angry…not just at her, but at myself for getting so upset over this situation.

If we had a “real life” friendship then it would make more sense that I’d feel so deeply hurt, but I’ve always been a very sensitive person and her decision cut me to the quick.

I was aware she had serious mental health challenges.  Despite knowing she was fragile, I let down my guard with her in our messages and live Facebook chats.  She gave me her phone number and invited me to call her anytime if I needed to talk.  I never took her up on the offer, but I was moved by her willingness to listen.

Recently, when I stated my opinion on Facebook about an issue I believed in passionately, I noticed her virtual demeanor changed.  She vehemently, irrationally lashed out at another Facebook friend of mine, and that was the beginning of the end.

I’ll back up a bit…last year I took a long Facebook hiatus.  Then I decided to try Facebook again and I made a new rule for myself: I would only be friends with people I knew personally and with whom I had active relationships with. I no longer wished to be  friends with people I hadn’t seen in years (excluding a few relatives and a couple exceptions).  I didn’t want “trophy friends” or to maintain friendships with total strangers.  I soon broke my rule, however, and this friend who I write of today was one of those exceptions.

God knows I’ve suffered broken friendships in real life that dissolved in much messier ways than a simple click of a button, and I got through those rejections intact.

Each day I will think less and less about this unfriending, but it’s still fresh in my mind and it hurts.

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Writing about this unfriending helps me; writing has always been a healthy catharsis.  But writing doesn’t serve as a panacea for malice as much as I wish it did.

It occurred to me that maybe this person is having a crisis, and she acted out from an unstable place.

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Being cut off in five seconds flat is the risk anyone takes with social media friendships.  I hope that this is the first and last unfriending I have on Facebook.

Update 10/1/15 – Unfortunately it wasn’t the last unfriending! 😦

Please see this link for a tale of the 2nd unfriending that was rather bizarre:

https://dyaneharwood.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/fck-this-sht-i-love-you-goodbye/

In attempt to feel better, since this unfriending occurred I’ve been mumbling affirmations such as “I am a great friend” and “I am kind”.  I don’t want this experience to sour my soul more than it already has.  I’ll pay more attention to my beautiful girls, my husband, and myself – my virtual friendships need to take a backseat for now.  I hope that my “unfriend” finds peace and healing, and that she can turn to a network of friends who won’t give up on her even when the going gets rough.

To quote the great Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live:

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

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And here’s an insightful quote by Jenn Talley:

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Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Walker Karraa (author of the acclaimed book Transformed by Postpartum Depression: Women’s Stories of Trauma and Growth) will be published by Post Hill Press next year.