Since I last wrote aboutfeeling better I’ve continued following my new plan. I dislike saying I’m on a diet – yuck. If you’re a die-hard Richard Simmons fan like most everyone, you’ll remember he coined “Live It”. That sounds way better than diet, doesn’t it? But plan works well for me.
Anyway, I can’t tell you how glad I am that I hit my rock-bottom in that blindingly bright Target dressing room. It feels so good to be proactive instead of inhaling pints of talenti gelato 24/7. I’m only having a small amount of sugar each day, which I’d like to cut down even more.
I was astounded to learn that there was three times as much sugar in my Pacific Foods organic tomato soup (12 grams) as there was in my Nature’s PathHeritage Flakes organic cereal (4 grams)! Tomato soup doesn’t even need sugar, so it looks like I’m going to have to make some, or better yet, get Craig to do it since he genuinely likes to cook. (I’d rather watch House of Cards.)
I’m drinking my daily dose of water with my psychiatrist’s blessing. He said that amount of water wouldn’t affect my lithium blood level adversely (which I get checked periodically) and he said the same thing about my MAOI Parnate/tranylcypromine.
I drink a hourly glass of H20 until I reach approx. 70 ounces & have my cell phone programmed with an hourly chime to remind me. Yes, I visit the royal throne more often, but it’s worth it. I’ve also gotten used to always leaving the house with a big bottle of water – it’s not a big deal.
To add a little variety and excitement, I’ve interspersed plain water with hot tea, such as green tea (said to be good for weight loss and also depression – look at this article!) and Traditional Medicinals Cup of Calm tea to wind down. My big treat at the end of the day is an organic Granny Smith apple with a couple tablespoons of almond butter. I measure the almond butter because each tablespoon is a whopping 100 delicious calories. It’s super-pricey, averaging at least $10 a jar, so the less you use, the better. It’s worth every penny – YUM!
If you told me a few months ago that I’d prefer an apple & almond butter over chocolate, I would’ve sneered at you like this:
I also know not to take things too far with my plan.
In late 2012 I began tapering off my medicines, which, to put it bluntly, had near-fatal results.
I researched how to taper the safest way, and I tapered very gradually. My former psychiatrist wasn’t in favor of it, but he didn’t fire me because I think he wanted the $ for his ex-wife’s alimony, which he used to complain about during our sessions. I should’ve billed him for therapy.
I used a scientific digital scale and gelatin caps to create lower and lower dosages of my meds.
When I began the process I weighed close to 170 pounds…
In January, 2013 I did everything I could to be a health nut in the hopes I could live med-free. I worked out hard every day for at least an hour, I drank lots of water and ate healthy food. I was still on meds here…
In March, 2013 I continued tapering and was clueless that I was losing too much weight. I looked almost skeletal and it’s hard for me to look at these photos – there are two that are even worse that I’m leaving out. Here I was probably around 120 pounds…
In this shot I’m holding one of my books Coming Off Psychiatric Drugs by Peter Lehmann, which I ordered from his website. I contacted Peter in his homeland of Berlin, Germany via Skype. I wanted to talk to Peter because there wasn’t much in his book about tapering off lithium, my main medication, and he was open to talking about it. Turns out that he admitted he didn’t know anything about tapering off lithium safely. I was disappointed, but I figured I’d be okay because I was working so hard at being healthy and tapering so slowly.
Unfortunately it didn’t matter how badly I wanted to be med-free.
Some people can do it, but I’m not one of them.
I’m not aiming to be Skeletora.
I want to be medicated and at a healthy weight, the way I was here not so long ago.
Thanks for reading, and I’ll be back next week, writing about a completely different topic that will surprise and enlighten you! 🙂
P.S. To join our fledgling Lose It! group Wondrous Writers Weight Loss Group please include your email in a comment & I’ll send you an invite, or sign up for free atwww.loseit.comand find us under Groups.
Surprise everyone! I’m not writing a rambling 3500 word post this week. Are you amazed? Grateful? I hope so! 😉 Consider it my early holiday gift to you…
Ever sincewe had a death in the familyon September 6th, it has been tough around here. I wasn’t close to my brother-in-law, but my husband loved his brother very much. Some of you know what it’s like to be around deep grief, and it’s hard. Plus the specific circumstances of this death were awful.
In the past an event like that could’ve easily triggered my depression, but I’ve been able to avoid it this time. I’ve felt sad, overwhelmed, anxious, yes, but the Big D? (I’ve stopped using the silly term “black dog”.)
In 2014 Kitt provided her followers with a link to Dr. Alsuwaidan’s free ISBD webinar Exercise Treatment for Mood Disorders: A NeurobiologicalRationale. Her post caught my eye and I clicked on that link.
Here Dr. Alsuwaidan describes his webinar:
More recently, studies have demonstrated positive effects of exercise in mood disorders (primarily unipolar depression). What remains unclear is the underlying brain biology. What are the neurobiological deficits that occur in bipolar disorder? Do we have proof that exercise works at these levels to alter brain function? How do we translate laboratory evidence into clinical realities? These are some of the questions that are addressed during this webinar.
I usually am so all over the place I can’t focus on webinars, but I’m so glad I paid attention to that one.
While listening, something clicked. I started looking at exercise differently. This was profound, you see, because I’m a former American Council on Exercise certified personal trainer. That certification may sound flighty, but I assure you, it was hard-won. I struggled more studying for the A.C.E. exam than I did for my oral exam administered by a panel of literature professors in order to graduate from the University of California!
I was so glad I passed my A.C.E. exam that when I opened up my results, I actually burst into tears…
In my mid-20’s I worked in a French family-owned gym (i.e. a wacky place) for two years. When I wasn’t teaching 6:00 a.m. circuit training classes or training members, I handed out towels to a future billionaire (the founder of Netflix),the editor-in-chief and writing staff of Santa Cruz’s biggest newspaper, and many cultured, cool residents. I opened the gym five days a week, and I noticed these movers and shakers, many of whom I got know well and who seemed genuinely happy, worked out every day.
Suffice it to say, I’m aware of exercise basics. But I didn’t know anything about exercise’s potential for bipolar disorder and achieving mood stability the way that Dr. Alsuwaidan did.
His webinar and blog post about what exactly to do, exercise-wise (which I share below with his permission) has changed my life. I don’t want to sound like a commercial for pigfeed that claims it cures bipolar, because this form exercise is not a cure. I don’t burst into unicorn songs after each workout. But following Dr. Alsuwaidan’s advice helps keep me from going down into my own personal sinkhole, and I know you all understand the significance of that.
I work out almost daily, and life remains hard. But following these principles as much as I can makes me feel like I have some influence in dealing with a mental illness I despise.
If you’re struggling, I want you to join me now. I know it’s cold in most parts of the world, and it’s a particularly difficult time to begin working out – you can even complain to me about it here. I won’t bill you. Even better, you can announce your accomplishments to us. I’ll keep track of what you do and we’ll cheer you on.
In the past I would’ve burned out exercising daily or near-daily. But now I know there’s something I can do to truly help avoid suicide territory. If doing these workouts can help me avoid Dante’s Level 7, I’m going to do them.
I have support in order to exercise and I advise you get some too. Craig hangs out with the kids while I work out at night. They can watch themselves now, but I feel better if he’s around them. Lucy is so cute- she comes in and hangs out with me; that poor collie has to listen to my loud 80’s music but she wants to – go figure. I used to be a morning workout person, but this schedule fits better for now.
What makes ALL the difference apart from support, my Kindle & music, is that I have a home elliptical machine. By the way, while I love reading, friends tell me they can’t read on a machine or else it makes them dizzy/nauseous, but I hope you can try it, because it makes it much easier for me to exercise.
We’re going to pay Sears off for two more years for our elliptical, but that’s how it goes. I used to walk near the house, but this way the machine is right here, it’s safe to use at night, etc. Some friends tell me they can’t afford any exercise machine, yet I’ve noticed they buy all kinds of other things. So that’s something to consider. BUT there are other low-cost/no-cost options – you can also do a workout video or jump rope like Dr. Alsuwaidan has been known to do – he gives more suggestions below and in his webinar!
So here goes – even if you don’t listen to Dr. Alsuwaidan’s webinar, please read the following blog post. I’ll be really proud of you!
Dr. Alsuwaidan’s blog “Exercise & Mood Part 3: From Science to Action”
There is probably no one word that can sum up what people want in terms of emotional or mental health. Whether it be clients I meet in the clinic with a mood or anxiety disorder, or a friend or acquaintance asking for an opinion in a social setting, the theme of the question is common, but each one is different. However, I think there is one common thread that joins the questions and ONE word that captures 99% of what is ideally sought: STABILITY.
Those with recurring depressive episodes or mood swings want mood stability. Others with anxiety, nervousness or worry want calm stability. The frazzled, stressed, workaholics want relaxed stability. For many, achieving stability would make them happier, more productive, more sociable and have a better quality of life.
I don’t claim that exercise is the only way to achieve stability. There is no panacea. The correct treatment of all of the above situations is an individually tailored combination that could include medications, talk-therapy, lifestyle changes and other components but should ALWAYS include exercise.
Now let’s make the leap from the science we reviewed in the previous blog posts to action.
How do we “dose” exercise? What kind of exercise? What time should I exercise? For how long? How do I start and how do keep going?
For an easy reference I will summarize the answer in one sentence then explain the details and the fine tuning will come later. Remember here we are talking about the ‘dosing’ of exercise that changes the biology of the brain and not the number of packs in your abdominals! Although that might be a welcome side effect — if you are trying to achieve that, talk to a personal trainer. Here we are treating the brain and going after STABILITY.
Where the magic happens….I read many of your blogs on my Kindle; that’s why I don’t comment too much!
Exercise for 30 minutes 6 days a week at a high-impact level.
That’s it – simple, right?
Okay, okay, I know it is not that easy. So let me explain further by breaking it down into 3 rules.
Rule #1 — Exercise: For brain health, the exercise can be any type that suits you. It does NOT have to be weight-lifting or running on a treadmill. You do NOT have to go to a gym or use a workout DVD. Do any exercise that you enjoy. Swim, run, hike, climb, lift weights, tennis, basketball, soccer, yoga, cycling and on and on. Adapt the exercise to your body if your capacity is limited by physical needs or injuries, but anyone can do some sort of exercise unless you are fully paralyzed.
Rule #2–30 minutes 6 days a week: The bottom-line is that the research shows this is the average of the dose needed for the brain to adapt. Now, let’s break this rule down. First reactions are usually — 6 days?! That’s a lot! Yes it is, but we are only asking for 30 minutes. Think about it, how many hours a day do you sit at the internet or TV? 30 minutes is very short.
Dyane adds: “For those who usually work out an hour, the below section is the really important part to follow for long-term success!
In fact, DON’T do more than 30 minutes (unless you have a routine and have been doing this for years). Doing more will lead to inconsistency and skipping workout days. The science shows it is far better (at least for the brain) to be consistent in exercising most days of the week rather than spending an hour exercising 2 or 3 days a week. In fact, for you gym-goers if you think about it (and research also supports this) if you are spending more than 30 minutes at the gym then you are chatting and resting too much.
(photo added by Dyane)
Thirty minutes makes it harder to come up with excuses such as: There is no time! or I’m too busy! If you work a lot or travel, find 30 minutes to do some stretches, pushups, air-squats, jumping jacks etc. 30 focused minutes is all you need, Done! Six days too much? Fine – five days is the absolute minimum, but better to aim for 6 so that if you fall short then you have a day to save for later.
Rule # 3 — High Impact: For the scientists reading this that is 16 kcal/kg/week. What?? English please! Okay, so here is how I explain high-impact to people: For most of the 30 minutes you’re exercising you should be sweating and it should be difficult to speak in complete sentences without needing to catch your breath. This means you work hard for 30 minutes, then you are done. Walking doesn’t count unless it meets the criteria above. Commuting does not count! That is your normal energy expenditure. Remember we are trying to change the brain, and you can’t do that without effort.
Last few tips:
You can exercise anytime in the day that fits your schedule. I find first thing in the morning works best because it is the time of day with the least demands on your schedule. Plus there is evidence this timing may have a more efficient effect than other timings. If it means you have to wake up 30 minutes earlier, then do it and just sleep 30 minutes earlier at night. No big deal. But if it doesn’t work just exercise at any time that’s the most important thing. Get it done.
You can either start slow and build up to 6 days a week over a number of weeks or just pick a week and start. If you have started and stopped exercise routines in the past you’ll find this one is easier to maintain because it is more flexible. You can do anything as long as you break a sweat. Jumping rope is great if you don’t have a lot of equipment and can’t go to a gym. Keep telling yourself it’s only 30 minutes and just get up and do it.
If you skip days and don’t exercise at least 5 days in a week don’t be discouraged and go back down to zero. Just start again. It is normal to stumble. I do all the time. The important thing is to keep the 30 minutes 6 days a week in your head and keep as close to that as you can. But the closer you are to that ‘dose’ the better the result will be.
Dr. Mohammad Alsuwaidan is a specialist psychiatrist at Mubarak Al-Kabeer Hospital in Kuwait and an Assisstant Professor of Psychiatry at both Kuwait University and the University of Toronto. He has trained at the University of Toronto, Stanford University and Johns Hopkins University. He is a Fellow of the Royal College of Physicians of Canada and a Diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. More information at http://about.me/MoAlsuwaidan
Here’s the direct link to Dr. Alsuwaidan’s Medium.com site & blog:
Dyane’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Walker Karraa (author of the acclaimed book Transformed by Postpartum Depression: Women’s Stories of Trauma and Growth) will be published by Post Hill Press in 2017.
I’m thinking of you while we’re in beautiful, snowy Alpine Valley. We’re staying in a small cabin called “The Munchkin” (the place lives up to its name!) with no internet connection. For those of you aware of my ‘net addiction, this is a definite challenge. I’m publishing this post at a “hot spot” in the Alpine Meadows parking lot – brrrrr! It’s more like a freezing-cold spot.
What I miss the most about the internet is my daily dose of reading your blogs! I went from an hour a day, keeping current with your posts, to nothing. I remind myself that I can catch up when I return home. I’ve also been Facebook-free and Twitter-less, which has been much easier than I expected. I check email every few days as I’m expecting some work-related messages, but I stay online under five minutes instead of my usual….oh, I’m too embarrassed to tell you!
When it comes to changing schedules, even during a vacation, I get nervous about how my mood will be affected. Having a predictable schedule over the past sixteen months has been good for me. Up here without any concrete plans set in place, I’ve had anxiety in the mornings, which sucks. But thank God depression hasn’t struck; this is significant. I’ve been depressed in this idyllic area before, which shows that depression doesn’t care where you are or what the circumstances may be – it can descend when you least expect it.
A powerful tool that’s keeping my bipolar depression at bay is following the guidelines of my exercise hero, the psychiatrist Dr. Mohammad Alsuwaidan
(For specific details about what to do and why to do it, please read Dr. Alsuwaidan’s brief blog article at:
– please read it before the New Year! I don’t want to sound like a cult member, but this brilliant psychiatrist’s advice, which he follows himself, can change your life for the better!)
Each day I’ve walked on the steep, icy Alpine Valley roads for thirty minutes as recommended by Dr. Alsuwaidan. Yesterday a moderate snowstorm hit the area as I took off on my walk, and yes, I hesitated going, but the snow wasn’t falling that hard! I could always turn back. I’ve seen freaky athletes running on these treacherous icy roads, so if they can run, I can walk. I wore good cold weather gear, and I went my merry way. It was actually fun to walk in the freshly fallen snow, a gorgeous, peaceful sight! Every day that I’m able to stick to my exercise routine I feel that I accomplished something positive. Moreover, I feel more grounded, and alert.
Yesterday I took the girls ice skating at Northstar’s rink while Craig hiked with Lucy in the snow. I noticed a couple of pre-teens clutching their i-Phones on the rink. They stared at their phones instead of ahead of them. Talk about not being present for the experience! I felt sorry for them. There was also the danger factor, as some speedy skaters circled the rink who gave me the impression that they wouldn’t care that much about colliding with a tween glued to her phone. I don’t have a fancy phone but even if I did, I’d put it away on that rink. I had my two girls to protect as well as myself!
Taking a break from staring at my computer screen to keep track of Facebook status updates and tweets is resoundingly healthy for me. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve derived an enormous amount of pleasure, education (yes!) and more from social media. I had simply gotten too enmeshed in it. When I get home, I plan to reduce the amount of time I spend online once and for all because I’ve proved to myself that I can do it without spontaneously combusting.
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, Solstice, Kwanza, Hanukkah or whatever holiday you celebrate. I’ll post next year (next weekend, ha ha) to let you know if I’ve suffered internet withdrawal symptoms yet. I’ll reply to any comments made here and on my previous post after I go home. In the meantime, take good care of yourself.!
p.s. If you haven’t had a chance to read my December International Bipolar Foundation blog post about my different take on exercise you can find it here:
p.p.s. I can’t help but lovingly nag/encourage you to start doing 30 minutes a day of exercise, especially if you have bipolar disorder. It’s my A.C.E.-certified personal trainer background emerging once again. If your depression is so bad that the idea of exercise makes you want to hurl, please put this info. in the back of your head for when you start feeling a little better. If you can try to do 5 minutes (read Dr. Alsuwaidan’s blog post first about what/how to work out) and then build up from there, I’ll send you a little gift!
p. p.p.s Visit the link copied below at my friend Kitt’s blog to listen to Dr. Mohammad Alsuwaidan’s International Society for Bipolar Disorders-sponsored webinar. It’s about eating chocolate to lose weight and gain muscle – just kidding! – it’s about exercise for mood disorders with the focus on bipolar.
I can’t stand listening to webinars, but this one is worth taking the time! The second half is especially convincing as to why you should aim to work out for mood – listen for the part about using exercise as a “panacea” for bipolar disorder….
Today’s blog post isn’t going to win any BlogHer awards because I’ve been a mess since the inhuman hour of 3:18 A.M. I woke up early because one of the girls had a nightmare and the poor thing started screaming at the top of her lungs. Instead of getting back to sleep as I usually do, I just sat there in the dark, ruminated on negative things and felt very anxious.
I had taken my usual dose of quetiapine (Seroquel) at bedtime. This medication has been an enormous help to me in terms of sleeping through the night and helping keep depression at bay. But I didn’t want to take an additional amount at 3:00 a.m. because it would make me too groggy come sunrise. That was the time I needed to take care of my girls and drive them to school. So today anxiety is on my mind.
I have a few interesting resources I’ll share here for those of us who suffer with anxiety. Perhaps you could explore one or all of them and let me know what helps you!
It’s rare for a blog post’s title to make me laugh out loud, but blogger extraordinaire “Bipolar On Fire” managed to do just that with me last week. While I perused my WordPress reader I spotted the title “Holy Shit Tapping Really Works!”.
I was intrigued.
I knew Bipolar On Fire would never make a claim for any modality to work unless she truly meant it. Her passionate title made it clear that she was on to something that was, at the very least, helpful, and possibly significant in her healing. I had to know more about this tapping business, and I read her post with bated breath.
After a job loss, she wrote,
“I have been tapping, saying “I am safe and secure.” And lo and behold, I HAVE been feeling quite safe and secure, not having the major meltdown like I would have in the past…
To say that this has been a transformative few days would be an understatement. Tapping is really helping me to change my life! Shit that I’ve spent ten or twenty years talking about in Talk Therapy (with no change) is CHANGING!! I can’t tell you how good this feels! It’s like a miracle! I encourage you to Google “Tapping”, or look it up on YouTube. Do it, and then let me know how it goes. It’s Tapping, or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It’s real. Thank God, whatever or whoever that is. I am grateful.”
To watch the Nick Ortner YouTube video suggested by Bipolar On Fire visit:
I watched this long clip and I tried the personable, easy-on-the-eyes Nick’s brief tapping demo he gave to two thousand people. His demo doesn’t come up until towards the end, so you may want to jump ahead to that. I want to try it again,as I didn’t give it a fair chance and I admit I’m more curious. I may explore one or two of his other YouTube demos. I also plan to check out the EFT founder Gary Craig’s free EFT tutorial at the following website: http://www.emofree.com/
To read more of Bipolar On Fire’s tapping post please visit:
Meanwhile, bestselling author Wendy K. Williamson has written two great books: “I’m Not Crazy Just Bipolar” and co-authored the recently published “Two Bipolar Chicks Guide To Survival: Tips for Living with Bipolar Disorder”. Wendy and I connected through the blogosphere in which she read my blog post about how I suffered with anxiety.
In case you want to check it out, that post is: https://dyaneharwood.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/anxiety-woes/
Wendy’s graciously wrote a comment on “Anxiety Woes” which gave me effective-sounding advice that I need to follow!!!! Wendy wrote,
“Check this out. It’s the free meditation series.
https://chopracentermeditation.com/ A couple tips, otherwise I find I don’t get good results. You’ll find what works for you, but these have worked well for me… 1. I do it right when I wake up. 2. I listen/do the meditation with headphones from my phone. (try it for the 22 day program. Click on the email link and plug your headphones in to your phone.) 3. I do it pre-coffee/tea in the morning. 4. I also make sure I don’t do too much. (ie: feed the cats, make the bed, etc.) I’ve noticed, for me, it doesn’t work as well. 5. If the cats are bouncing around I’ll go back in to the bedroom. Finding a quiet place is key. The minute I hear television or the cat jumps on my lap, concentration is broken and I’m no longer in meditation mode. 6. Also, I write about what came to me during the meditation right afterwards so I don’t forget. Sometimes I’ll go back a few days later and re-read it. It’s so cool.
As for another anxiety buster, I often write in the morning (and/or meditate) and it gets out my anxieties.I find my day runs smoother when I spend 10 or 15 minutes in the beginning of the day getting out what I have woken up with in my head. It’s all fear…”
You can follow Wendy’s blog at: http://wendykwilliamson.wordpress.com/
The Two Bipolar Chicks website: http://www.twobipolarchicks.com/
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention another wonderful free resource that has helped me over the past couple years. Meagan Barnes founded the Facebook page and group called “Women Conquering Anxiety”. She is an amazing mental health advocate. Meagan knows a thing or two about anxiety and she has completely transformed her life for the better. Just this past year Meagan graduated from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and she coaches clients, specializing in anxiety. You can download her free “10 Ways to Feel Better Today” brochure off her website http://anxietyangel.com. Her Facebook page is: