Tired

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I’m tired today.  There’s no way around this fatigue.  I can only drink so much coffee until the caffeine infusion backfires and my stomach gets annoyed with me, so I’ve backed away from the coffee pot.  Luckily I don’t have to be “on” for any one, I don’t have to give any State of the Union speeches, and I don’t have to be at a job where I’m expected to perform.  I can be one with my banana slug neighbors.

I may have been bestowed with a Mental Health Hero Award yesterday, but today I feel like I’m just “regular folks”. Suffice it to say that I won’t be leaping over buildings in single bound wearing my pink cape anytime over this weekend.

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I think part of the reason I’m pooped out is due to the trigger I experienced regarding our friend’s suicide attempt on the first day of Mental Health Month.  We’ve also had quite a heat wave, with temperatures reaching the mid-80’s.  While I’ve made an effort to drink more water, the heat still affects me.  The final reason I’m so blahhh (and, my dear readers, you’ll be muttering “Duh!” after this part…) is that I had to take a little more Seroquel last night. I rarely do that, but once in a while it’s a necessity.  I’m grateful that I have Seroquel at my disposal because it has worked so well,  but it does have the sedating side effect.  It has helped me with both severe agitated insomnia and depression. So I’m not depressed.  Praise be!  I always get a little nervous writing that because I’ve been so used to saying how terribly depressed I am.  I’m just in low gear.

My feeling pooped out certainly doesn’t make for sparkling, dynamic, insightful writing.  Despite that fact, I’m following my beloved Madeleine L’Engle’s advice to write for thirty minutes a day. (Unless one is severely ill, of course!)  Which, thank the heavens, I’m not.  I apologize for this blog being so blah, but I’m sure you’ll understand and hopefully you’ll give me a reprieve of punishment!

When I read others’ blogs that are written when they’re having one of those days, I couldn’t care less about a post’s blahness if real feelings are revealed.  I actually prefer the “messy” blogs where innermost, raw feelings are exposed!  I connect with the “I feel like shit and I’m going to tell you why…” posts on a profoundly deep level. I love the fact that those kinds of posts aren’t sanitized like some of the glossy, cutesy, uber-witty blogs I’ve come across since exploring the blogosphere.

Yesterday I started following a spirited, brand-spankin’-new blogger MixtapeMasterJip-C. (Say that ten times fast!)  Mixtape apologized in the inaugural post for not having a “fancy” interface.  I commented that I didn’t require fanciness in order to follow a good blog – here’s Mixtape’s first post:

https://mixtapemasterjipc.wordpress.com/2014/05/02/the-mind-of-mixtape-master-jip-c/

As long as the blogger’s writing is authentic and the subjects are ones that I can relate to more or less, I’m going to read those posts.  I don’t demand beautiful graphics, charming fonts, or dazzling WordPress smoke and mirrors of any kind.  I like reading about the minutiae of one’s life.  I don’t need one’s blog to cheer me up or teach me or inspire me.  Self-care is my job, and sometimes it’s my therapist’s job to teach & inspire me, but I don’t require that of my beloved bloggers!

Although I’ve blogged for the past six months, the time has gone by in a flash, and I still feel like a neophyte blogger.  Sometimes I feel guilty that my posts do not educate others very much about bipolar disorder, specifically postpartum bipolar disorder, since that was the primary reason I began the blog.  I let go of that guilt as best as I can, and carry on.

Yesterday I had a valuable conversation with a very talented friend.  She’s a published author (Put Learning to Work: The Value of an Applied Pre-Vocational Curriculum for 6th-8th grade, At-risk and Special Needs Students), and blogger Carrie of Fleetiris. She shared with me how blogging primes her for her other creative work, which includes other forms of writing, art and other pursuits.  She blogs first, and then she’s able to move on to focus on her other projects.  She likes how blogging preps her before she moves on to working on a screenplay or novel.  If you have several writing projects going on, I suggest trying this technique out if you haven’t done so already!  To read Carrie’s eclectic blog posts and see her gorgeous, one-of-a-kind recycled artwork, visit this link:

http://fleetiris.wordpress.com/2014/04/30/these-3-photos-are-all-one-piece-entitled-point-of-no-return/

Blogging definitely serves as my warm-up before I work on my book.  Now that I’ve been blessed to have a few readers whose comments provide valuable, affirming feedback, I really am hooked on blogging – it’s a delight!

I knew there would be days like this where I’d feel drained, out of it, and blocked in terms of coming up with a useful blog topic. I’ll whine about it to you, dear readers (you can send me a bill for your virtual therapy!) but then I will move on and return to WordPress to wax poetically once more another day.

I would like to end on a high note.  Last night I was asked by one of my mentors Dr. Walker Karraa to be an editor for her new, cutting-edge website Stigmama.com.  Stigmama.com is dedicated to women’s experiences of stigma regarding mental illness and motherhood. I’ve contributed to Stigmama.com since its inception.  It’s a big honor for me to participate as an editor with Stigmama.com, and I am totally stoked!  (I’m Los Angeles born & bred, what more can I say?)

Please check it out & spread the word: http://www.stigmama.com or on Facebook: www.facebook.com/stigmama and

Twitter:  @Stigmama1

Dr. Karraa and I are on the lookout for Stigmama.com contributors, by the way, so if you’re interested in submitting a piece, please email my at dyane@baymoon.com.

HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY!!! AND THANKS FOR READING!!!

Dyane

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