I love to blog, even though I don’t like the word itself. “Blog” sounds too much like “frog” (No offense to frogs!) and it simply doesn’t float my boat. But that doesn’t matter, because blogging has been a wonderful catharsis, and it has inspired my writing. “Meeting” fellow bloggers has been a total joy. I thank my lucky stars for this technology which allows us writers to connect with one another.
I tried blogging seven years ago. It was the year after I diagnosed with bipolar, so I called the blog “Proudly Bipolar”. My blogging habit didn’t take back then, for I relapsed and let the blog fall to the wayside. Last November I gingerly re-approached the blogosphere, and the second time was indeed the charm. When I began getting positive, helpful feedback from other bloggers I admired, it solidified my commitment to blogging. Five months ago, I surprised myself by posting each day, never imagining that I’d keep it up for any length of time.
I’ve blogged every single day since deciding to write daily, and I’ve published over 140 posts.
In sickness and in health.
I, in essence, married my blog! 😉
Blogging relieves my tension, and brainstorming for topics is challenging, but satisfying. It’s particularly gratifying to write on a regular basis because I was unable to write during so many lengthy, debilitating bipolar depressions.
I’ve known the day would come where I’d break my record of daily blogging. I know it’s healthy to take breaks from everything we do in life, except breathing, perhaps. Even professional bloggers take days off from their blogs. Call me stubborn, call me silly – I just didn’t want to stop! (Waaaaah!)
The main reason I need to change my ways is because of my book. Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder has been taking a backseat to my other writing, i.e. my blog, my International Bipolar Foundation blog, and articles for the website Stigmama.com and the revamped Anchor Magazine plus more. Every fiber of my being tells me it’s not good to put my book on the back burner. I want the satisfaction of completing it, and I feel in my gut that I was meant to not only write this book but for it to be published by an established publisher.
As gratifying as it is to write a memoir, make no mistake – it’s hard as hell. I can easily spend three leisurely hours writing a blog post, and still have plenty energy to spare. In contrast, when I spend an intense, focused thirty minutes working on my book, I’m worn out for a while afterwards. The subject matter is tough, extensive medical research is involved, and I want the writing to be top-notch.
Just this morning, in a moment of exasperation, I wrote to a friend about this subject. I emailed the great writer L.E. Henderson, author of A Trail of Crumbs to Creative Freedom,
“If I can birth two children and have electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) done, I can write a book!”
To clarify, I know I can write a book! 😉 What will make this knowledge a reality is that I need to create more energy and time to do it. No one is going to supply those two key conditions for me except myself. After completing over a hundred pages, I’m more determined now than ever to see this project through.
When I become dejected about the book writing process, I remind myself that I have the potential to realize my dream. In 2013, I submitted a detailed book proposal to a respected publisher, and I was offered an honest-to-God book contract. It pains me to write this, but I cancelled my contract when I relapsed with bipolar depression and had to be hospitalized. Now I’m going to wait until my book is done before approaching any agent and/or publisher. That feels like the right way to go for the time being.
So I’m making it official by stating it here: I’m going to force myself to only blog three times a week. I plan on posting on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Three times weekly as opposed to seven times a week will definitely free up some book-writing time. (Ya think? 😉
I’m also going to watch yet another Nick Ortner EFT YouTube video (even though he’s so hideous, ha ha ha!) because I couldn’t help but notice the title – it definitely applies to me, as does the clip’s description:
“Use EFT To Clear Patterns of Self-Sabotage” – Nick Ortner at Wanderlust
“These days,” says Nick, “we are activating our fight or flight responses in a variety of circumstances. Frustrated goals, mounting stress, patterns of self-sabotage: at the most basic level are stress responses related to fight or flight responses. The latest research shows us that when we hit these meridian points in the body while focusing on certain issues, we are actually sending a signal to the amydgala in the brain. The amygdala is the fight or flight response center.” In this Speakeasy lecture, Nick explains how tapping can release these fears and patterns.
As I promised to the amazing blogger Doreen Bench of “Always Recovery”, I’ll report back here with my EFT findings at some point, hopefully soon. In the meantime, I hope you’ll continue reading my blog, and I wish you lots of fulfilling blogging and reading of your own.
Thanks for reading!