Insecurity Boo Hoo Bummers & the Book Cover Saga Continues…


The dynamic duo!


Hello there!

I hope you’re doing well!

I’m writing this post on Wednesday at the close of a funky day. Rilla had a tummy bug – it was nothing serious – but I kept her home just to be on the safe side. She had a blast showing me the intricacies of her favorite computer game, National Geographic’s Animal Jam. 

This virtual world is COMPLEX.  Rilla has played “AJ” for three years, and my head spun while she demonstrated all the features. 


When I took a break from the tutorial, I hopped on Twitter and spotted the tweet I’d had been dreading for several months. It was DBSA’s announcement of Demi Lovato’s Be Vocal Campaign’s Beyond Silence documentary. (Lovato executive-produced it.)

Last year I was nominated by someone at DBSA to be one of the three subjects in this film. After doing a 45-minute phone interview with the six-person panel, I wasn’t selected. (I wrote more about that here in “Sour Grapes, Rejection and Perspective.”)

The people profiled in Beyond Silence are remarkable – they’re movers and shakers. While their worthwhile causes deserve the massive amounts of attention they’re getting, I was bummed…

Demi Lovato has 41 MILLION Twitter followers. Her Facebook page (38 million likes) showed Beyond Silence had 150 thousand views only a few hours after the stream went live. Lovato plugged the documentary on today’s Ellen show, and she’s promoting it in all the major media outlets. Everyone loves Demi Lovato! (Well, except Kathy Griffin, but I won’t go there! 😉 


You can guess where I’m going with this. 

If I had participated in Beyond Silence, the PMAD I live with, postpartum bipolar (PPBD), which has been minimized, ignored, you-name-it, would have gotten this fantastic exposure. And yes, if I was in the doc, that would’ve been the ideal, unicorn-rainbowy way to promote my PPBD book. I couldn’t buy better PR!

I knew I’d be triggered by the media campaign’s debut. Despite all my positive thinking, I cried about this shit. (Sorry, friends, my potty mouth is a deeply ingrained part of me – I find it hilarious that I hardly used any unsavory words in my book!)

Anyway….my precious Rilla made my day. She was a fantastic source of encouragement & comfort. I didn’t ask her to make me feel better; that’s not her job as a nine-year-old, but she knew the Lovato doc backstory and she understood what was going on.

She hugged me and said that I don’t need to be in Demi Lovato’s documentary because I’m “a wonderful mommy” and that I’m “successful with my book!”

How could I upset after hearing such a loving affirmation from my girl?

Well, I was still down. More than I thought I’d be. When I had been informed I wasn’t selected, I felt rejected, not to mention other nasty things. Those feelings got re-activated with this media campaign’s debut.

How am I dealing with this, aside from diving into a pint or two of ice cream? (Okay, okay, I ate a pint & 1/2 of Halo chocolate ice cream & mocha chocolate chip, but it’s low-cal, low-fat, & low-guilt!)

I’m keeping busy, and thank God the sun is finally out because we’ve been through gloomy weeks of terrible storms, flooding, landslides, and power outages where I live.


A slide on the highway very close to our house


The basketball courts down the road flooded by the San Lorenzo River, Ben Lomond CA

I’m looking to the future. 

I’m muting Twitter feed that will remind me of this campaign. DBSA tweets about the film several times a day and they will do that for at least a week, probably longer since they’re a sponsor.

I know someone who’s in the hospital right now with life-threatening depression. If I think about that, I feel guilty complaining about this trivial crap. But it’s my life, it’s my reality, and who knows, maybe someone will read this post and relate to my experience. You never know when it comes to the blogosphere, right? 



Book Cover Update

Thanks so much for your comments about the book covers! Now you can all list “design consultants” on your resumes.

No matter what style you preferred, every comment helped me. That’s one of the reasons I love blogging – your comments make a difference in how I see things and you don’t bill me! (Please keep it that way!)

Yes, there a new cover that’s almost ready to share with you, but Post Hill Press is tweaking it. I’ll share it in next week’s post.

At least I didn’t go with these top contenders:



If you’ve ever been “close but no cigar“**  in a situation where you really wanted that “cigar,” I’d love to read about it!!! **Click the green “close but no cigar” phrase to read about how this phrase came to be.


 “Close But No Cigar” is one of my favorite Thomas Dolby songs on the stunning album Astronauts and Heretics 

Take care, and thanks for being the best followers in the universe! If I get rich, I’ll have you bill me for blogospheric-therapy services rendered, I promise!

Lots of love,






Dyane Harwood’s memoir Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar Disorder with a foreword by Dr. Carol Henshaw (co-author of The Modern Management of Perinatal Psychiatry) will be published by Post Hill Press in October.

It’s available for paperback pre-sales on Amazon at this link – Kindle pre-sales coming this summer!

30 thoughts on “Insecurity Boo Hoo Bummers & the Book Cover Saga Continues…

    • You bet, my friend! You bet!

      Whenever something icky like this happens, I know each day it won’t feel as gross, but days #1-3 are always the toughest! XoXoXoXo Distraction is key!

      • Am logging off to zzz now else I would have distracted you some more lady of wealth… Don’t mind any davito fame wealth in the mind is most VIP. And u have such a big tribe of well wishers and cheerleaders… It shall be well… I am just coming out of a difficult 3 days too but am grateful… This too shall def come to pass… Loads of virtual hugs from ur fairy GM

  1. Dyane,
    Let me succinct! Never heard of Denny Lovato until you mentioned her and frankly don’t really care about her. Googled her and she is Not a Writer. You are. Believe it or not in this era where we have a ” president ” who admits that he does not read … nothing surprises me. Frankly as a Speech Pathologist his use of language is appalling. But … back to your upcoming book. You are a gifted and talented writer and in my book that means that people reading your words and thoughts will be engrossed with Birth of a New Brain!

    • Thank you Mom!!! 😉
      To be fair, she has written at least two books (I’m not sure if it they were solo or ghostwritten efforts…) and I’ll give her credit for that. But it doesn’t matter. I’m going to do my best to move on! XoXo

  2. Their loss… We’ll help get the word out. (FYI, duplicate “I’m muting Twitter feed that will remind me of this campaign. DBSA tweets about the film several times a day and they will do that for at least a week, probably longer since they’re a sponsor.”)

    • Thanks for catching that repeat paragraph – it keeps happening in my posts and I don’t understand why. Perhaps it’s a glitch but it doesn’t bug me enough to contact a Happiness Engineer just yet!

      ***Thanks*** for your willingness to get the word out when the time comes (I’ll let you know when that is) …reading your words cheered me up! XoXoXo

  3. Here’s my cigar story, which is kinda similar. When my book was about to be released I contacted Wallace Baine, the Santa Cruz Sentinel Entertainment writer who I know from my 6 1/2 years of working there! I sent him a press kit, including an ARC and asked him to post something about it prior to my release party and he agreed to. Well, when I opened “The Guide” insert in the prior Thursday’s Sentinel, I found a huge spread about Jenny Lawson and her new hardcover book “Furiously Happy” promoting her big talk at the Bookshop Santa Cruz and nary a word about my book or my little event! I made some last minute calls. Wallace said he was so sorry but all I was able to get was a short blurb in “Coastlines” the next day. I know Jenny Lawson is a great mental health advocate who should be supported. I attended Jenny’s event and even paid big bucks for her signed book and tried not to be bitter but still…I haven’t been able to finish it. And every time I see her blog posts or hear about her I feel that little twinge of resentment…Sooo, I do know where you’re coming from, friend! But don’t worry, your day will come! You deserve all the success in the world.

    • Oh my goodness, Martha, I didn’t know you worked at the Sentinel!!! The scenario you described would bum me out BIG-TIME!

      I’m very sorry it happened! 😦

      I have Jenny Lawson’s first book, but for some reason I never got into it and I didn’t finish it – the horror, the horror!

      I knew she was coming to Bookshop SC, and that there would be a ginormous audience. I didn’t buy her second book & I didn’t go to the event. I have friends who love her writing and all that she stands for, and her virtual community has inspired them to no end. I’m happy for them because I know how awesome it is to have someone who influences you that way.

      That’s too bad that Wallace Baine couldn’t follow through with his promise. I don’t know him personally, but I’ve followed him over the years I’ve lived here; I moved to Santa Cruz in 1988.

      At least you got GREAT exposure in the “Good Times” which I read religiously, unlike the Sentinel, which I never read, but I probably should…

      Thanks for opening up and sharing your true feelings – it means so much to me! Your encouragement has been such a gift, and it helps me more than you know.

      Have a *great* evening!!!!

      p.s. next week I’ll be writing a little bit about a book called “The Successful Author Mindset” by Joanna Penn. It’s a “handbook for surviving the writer’s journey” and in it she discusses insecurity, the need for validation, fear of failure and all those heebie-jeebies type of things! It sounded like the *perfect* book for me, and I’m excited to read it!

      • Hi, Dyanne. Just wanted to add to my story as a foot note that it was really my own fault for not following up to confirm. It helps to stay on top of things. Glad you saw the piece in the Good Times. Yes, it saved the day! My release party was actually my most successful event to date. I’m looking forward to your next post. Lots of insecurities are gnawing on me these days…sounds helpful! Have a great weekend!

    • Thanks to you, dear Vic, I turned my frown upside-down!

      (((hugs))) always,
      Ms. Dyane
      “Awesome According to Vic”

  4. Rilla’s right–you are a wonderful mommy, and you’ve got a wonderful book. I’m with you about that bummed feeling, and it sucks that the feeling probably won’t be totally gone for a while. I’ve had my own piddly bummers lately–just little things that cock up the work/life balance and make it frustrating to do anything but tread in place. You have amazing professionals and friends who love you and admire you for all that you’ve experienced and are willing to share. Don’t let no jibber-jabber cloud up your skies, Coffee Queen! xxxxxx 🙂 Hugs from Wisconsin!

    • Hey, my lovely!

      I feel better just from reading your words. They are full of good juju-ness.

      I’m so sorry you’ve had yucky bummers happening as well. I know that’s how life is, but I’d prefer for those little things to SKEDADDLE!

      As you wisely suggest, I shall banish all jibber-jabber from my skies. At least it’s the weekend and I can *try* to sleep late tomorrow, which would be fantastic. I’m SOooooooOOO glad I won’t have to rush-rush-rush the girls to school. I’ll just laze around and drink the Liquid of the Gods! I shall think of you, and I hope that your weekend is full of much-deserved goodness!!!!! i.e. time just for *you*! XOXOXOXOX

      • Mmmm, Liquid of the Gods…. 🙂 And shoveling snow. That, too. 😛 But I have hopes for this weekend being good, and I’m going to see those hopes through, too. Let’s give our kiddos lots of hugs and smiles! xxxxx

  5. I’m so sorry Rilla was sick and the weather’s been so terrible over there (we’ve had our share of illnesses pass through here too, in waves), but what a precious moment! The love and encouragement of your child surely takes some of the sting out of things. I think you’re dong the right thing, by keeping your mind off of that and on more serious things, like your friend in the hospital. Now, that’s something you can relate to, and something you can help with; and also something that can give you joy, that you’re not there anymore, you’re in such a better place and you’ll stay that way. You’re rocking this illness! I love that having Bipolar Disorder doesn’t keep you down, rather motivates you to fight back against it.

    So…“design consultant,” I’ve been meaning to update my “Mommy Resume.” I might just have to use that one. 😉

    God Bless you, Dyane, you’re gonna be so successful with this book! The PR woulda, coulda, shoulda been great but maybe there’s a reason God wants you to go a different way with it. I pray He’ll reveal Himself to you and leads you down the path you’re supposed to be on. Can’t wait to see the new, new cover!!!

    • I LOVED this comment!!!!!
      I’m feeling so much better this week about the Lovato stuff. I got another vivid reminder about it yesterday, but it didn’t set me off like what happened last week! Hallelujah!

      I’ll be reblogging your post at the end of this week & it will serve as my weekly post – I haven’t forgotten about that fabulous nomination! Thank you again!

      As for the new cover, I like it, but it’s not our beloved cursive…..sigh!

      Craig printed the cover last night, and it truly looks beautiful, so I’ll have faith. I know I’m on the right path with the cover issue, and the PR incident, just like you mentioned!!! I’m feeling more positive and your blog helped me get to that point.

      Thanks for your encouragement as always, and for your beautiful post!!!!


  6. Hi, Dyane,
    I absolutely believe you’ll find success with your book! I’m planning to buy a copy as soon as it’s out. I’m sorry that you weren’t selected, but thank goodness for kids that put everything in perspective! Congratulations on publishing, and thanks again for visiting me and promoting my blog!

    • Thank you so much for writing this, Cass!

      I just want the book to not *suck*! I’m such an eloquent writer, LOL! I’ll be honest with you – I’m not just a little freaked out…I’m terrified about the bad reviews that I will inevitable get, but I’m working on that fear as much as I can. I’m reading a very encouraging, pragmatic book called “The Successful Author Mindset” by the British author Joanna Penn. (Cute name, eh?) She examines writers’ insecurities and how to deal with bad reviews, etc. She wrote that any good writer will get some bad reviews – that’s all there is to it, and reading about that inevitability helped me a wee bit.

      I’ll buy your book “Committed” when it comes out, so we’ll be “even Steven” and I’ll give you a glowing 5-star Amazon review because I know it’ll be amazing. I’m a double Pisces, and we’re on the mark about intuiting other people’s situations/talents/etc. – just not always our own!

      Anyway, I did something silly the day after I published this post. I went to rub more salt in my “Demi Lovato” wound. I visited her Facebook page and she had posted a new video of her, the filmmaker, and the 3 panelists moderated by the head of Huffington Post’s health section (Lindsay Holmes) in New York. So, if I had been chosen, I might have been flown to NY, met Demi Lovato, and have participated in an incredible experience. Ah, well. When I saw that post, I wasn’t as down as I had the day beore, but since then, I’ve stopped visting her page. That’s enough salt for my big, gaping, insecure wound.

      I hope you’re having a fabulous day, and as I write this, I have your blog page open and that beautiful, beautiful picture of your baby girl is in front of me. Look at those cheeks! Supercute!!!!!! It makes me happy just looking at that angelic face….I miss having babies around! (Ain’t gonna happen – I’m turning 47 on March 18th, and while some women my age have babies, my lithium & MAOI make it an impossiblity!)

  7. Hi Dyane!

    Your kid is right–when all is said and done, being a fantastic mommy is way more important! And the weather has been horrible! I’ll be so glad when everything dries out a little bit. We’re getting there.

    Have you ever been to Marianne’s ice cream in Santa Cruz? The 9-year-old who hangs out with us swears by it. Just in case you get another sad day, they have over 100 flavors–enough to get you into summer, even if you need one scoop a day!


    • Hello, my lovely neighbor!

      How nice is this weather? I loooooveee the sunshine, and Lucy & I have resumed our walks, although our trail next to Fall Creek is all muddy. We walk around the high school, which is plenty for now. We’re both out of shape after our two-month hiatus. I can’t blame that break on Lucy – it’s my bad! 😦

      I’ve definitely been to Marianne’s AND Polar Bear (by Costco) which I love much more (Sorry Marianne’s!), and if you haven’t been to Polar Bear yet, you need to go. Their hours aren’t as good as Marianne’s, but keep them in mind. YUM! Thanks for the suggestion!

      I’m actually back to my no-sugar “diet” (I really don’t like that word! Remember Richard Simmons’ “Live It!”? LOL) and honestly, I feel so much better. I need to detox for a while, but I know ice cream will make its way back into my life again. It always does! I was digging Halo Top’s low-cal, low-sugar, high-protein ice cream, but the trick for it to taste good is to let it soften for a while. If you don’t like your ice cream a bit “melty” as Avi says, you might not love it. Another challenge I had with it was because it was so low-cal, I had no qualms about eating a pint at one sitting. Yep, but that’s not Halo’s fault. Hope to stop that habit when I return to IceCream World!

      Here’s their website in case anyone wants to take a peek.

      Sending (((hugs))) your way,

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