“I’m Not A Mess” Redux with my daughter Marilla

Last night I had just finished working out when my precocious daughter Rilla walked into the room.  As I stood there exhausted, she said “Mommy, I have something special I want to show you!” I dragged myself upstairs to see what she was talking about.  I thought it would be her latest Minecraft creations.

It turns out that she recorded herself on PhotoBooth singing a ditty that I wrote a few months ago. It’s called “I’m Not A Mess”, and in it I admonish the media for portraying women with mental illnesses as messes.  Rilla’s rendition was so cute, but the words were hard to make out, so we created a duet. It contains a potty sentence which might offend some people. (I explained to Rilla not to use it until she’s eighteen.)



Love him!

Below are some classic examples of women doing the “head-clutch” move portrayed by the media.  The amazing Stephen Fry is working with the Time to Change * to  publicize this issue.

Hope you like the song, and I’ll see you next Friday. Have a great weekend everyone!





images-1 My personal favorite, even though she’s not clutching her nogginimages


* Here’s the link to the article about Time to Change and its groundbreaking campaign “launched to stop depression being illustrated with head-in-hands pictures.


34 thoughts on ““I’m Not A Mess” Redux with my daughter Marilla

    • You too, honey!!!!!!! I’ve been reading your blog but I’ve been a lazyass and haven’t commented – I promise to repent my sins!!! SO good to see your gorgeous face on your Gravatar and I’m sending you my love and hugs always, as well as to your lovely hound! Smooches to the pooch, parasites be damned! XOXOXOX

  1. Ermahgerd your kid is so pretty and sweet – are you sure she’s yours? Hmmm guess the fact that she looks almost identical to you might be seen as proof … srsly though, you’ll see us next Friday? NEXT FRIDAY?! The Friday that is SEVEN WHOLE DAYS away?

    Well fuck it. I shall mope and miss you. I might even become a $cientologist to try and forget the pain.

    Hugs, my friend.

    • You did it again, Blah…you made this cynic laugh out loud, and loudly at that!!!

      If you ever, EVER say or even hint that you’re going to the Dark $ Side to hang out with Tom Cruise et al. & volunteer at the Hollywood $cientology Museum (“Psychiatry: An Industry of Death” – WTF kind of name is that???) I’m booking a ticket to S.A., and I’m doing an intervention.

      I’ll pitch a reality show concept to TLC to fund my ticket. Guess I can’t bring Lucy, but maybe I can? Not sure if your country has the 2-week-long dog quarantine like Hawaii does! Anyway, my point is: JUST $AY NO! For entertainment purposes only (although TRIGGER WARNING: this is the $cientology Museum’s official website) I found the link to scare you so you won’t become BFF’s with John Travolta & Kirstie Alley & Catherine Bell!


      I picked up Rilla at a rummage sale…NOT!
      Yeah, she does look a tad like me although her coloring is fairer, which she gets from Craig. (I’m olive-skinned w/darker hair with “cow” dark brown eyes. While growing up my brother told me I resembled a cow) Ril has chocolate-brown-colored eyes, the far superior shade as far as I’m concerned, and lighter hair untouched by chemicals!

      Okay, I’m procrastinating. Would much rather write you than shower and do laundry etc.

      Thanks for making me laugh today.

      p.s. Please haul your butt out here someday. We could visit the Museum and have SO much fun!!!!!!!! Hell, it’s FREE admission! That’s how the $ suck you into their fold, you know. They probably offer free candy inside “doctored” up with something. Maybe alien juice? I truly promise not to embarrass you there as I mentionedI would in a previous comment. Kitt could join us there to make us a truly fearsome trio.

      • Dy. All those words you wrote in your comment and not one of them addressed my distress. Wtf is this return of the once a week shit?! You’ve had some coffee, right? Have more. Sleep less. Post more. Enjoy the ensuing mania and heart attack.

        No wait, that’s cruel.

        Thanks so much for the link, I can’t even begin to tell you how many minutes I spent there, failing to frolic. Click the link, drink the koolaid … mhm that’s the kind of friend you are. What next Dy? Water boarding holiday at sunny Guantanamo Bay? Grant anamorphosis is what autocorrect suggested btw. *shrugs helplessly*

        I had high hopes of making this a long and winding comment, but I’ve run out of steam and zzzzzzzzzz…….


      • I realized after I wrote the comment that yeah….I didn’t acknowledge your distress. A trillion apologies. I miss posting more frequently, and I hope to return to posting a few times a week once again. I have to admit that your distress (in that regard ONLY) made me quite happy. I’m not a sadist. It’s just ultra-nice to be appreciated by someone like youuuuuuuuuuu: a noble, so-gifted-I’m jealous writer with a rapier wit.

        Gotta love it.

        On a separate note, I just luuuurve how the $ Museum website’s home page bills the place as “interactive”! OMG. Do they have a wax figure of Tom Cruise that robotically hugs anyone who declares she’ll come into the $ fold? (I know that was reaching there…I’m brainstorming. The Satan-infused meds I’m taking must be preventing me from thinking of an interactive $ museum exhibit!)

        Also, just some f.y.i. for you – I’m now officially an Advocacy Organization. I re-started the Santa Cruz, California chapter of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) a few weeks ago. I’m looking for Board Members and they can live anywhere, so you are officially invited to join our Board, and so is S. Lucy is V.P.

        What is particularly significant about my being an Advocacy Organization member is that I can qualify for a FREE one of these:


        Should I sign up?


        p.s. off to drink cup of java #3 – they are SMALL cups. Truly.

      • So basically you’re a sadist. A saDyst. Noble my ass…… and yeah jeez … 3D interactive $ does not bear thinking about. *$hudder* I was a major Beck fan, I have all of his stuff, and now I can’t hear any without thinking well if he put an anti prescription drugs msg into ‘girl’, how many other songs have been exhorting me to marry a penguin and move to Venezuela all these years?!

        I’ve never needed an interrobang so much since you and I started discussing…those people.

        You know that now you’re an organisation I’m going to call you orgy for short, right? S says she’d be delighted to join your bored, she would like to head up the security pawtrol division please. She’s also offered to bury that free gift and then piss on it.

        It’s not the size of the cups, it’s the strength of the blend.

        Brb joining the sloganeering troops.


      • Are you trying to make me expire from laughing so hard???????????? I’ll write more later. Love you in this mood, and even in all of your other moods, you mercurial scribe!

    • 1) Love this exchange. I, too, miss Dy’s posts, but I hunt her down elsewhere. The two of us do not limit our online activity to WordPress.

      2) Either Blahpolar and Yve must visit from SA, or we must go there (ha! probably not happening any time soon).

      3) What do you two do in response to Cabrogal’s comments? Cabrogal’s intellect is impressive. Patients’ rights are important and must be addressed. But, I am not anti-psychiatry, nor do I vilify families (or organizations or societies) desperate to help their sick family members.

      • 1. I’ve limited myself to wp as far as soc networking goes, because any more turns me into a multitasking fiend, bug eyed and frothing at the mouth. (Plus, my shrink suggested it.)
        2. USD vs ZAR … you could pop over and buy most of SA with what it’d cost us to get visas 😉 I shall start saving.
        3. I feel stupid, but … who where?

      • 1) I’m v fortunate that she’s my shrink. Shrink is a silly word for her, she’s 6ft tall, I’ll have to find a better word.
        2) Very cheap here (seriously) and even cheaper if you have blog friends to stay with. *points to self*
        3) I went a little postal on that person (are we sure it’s a person and not a dreary AI experiment gone horribly wrong).

    • Oh my goodness, your daughter is so adorable! Loved this – and no, having an illness or being in a down state does not make you a ‘mess’ – it simply means you are in a down state or struggling with something in your life. I have used that phrase lightly before to poke fun at myself, may be more careful in my choice of words in the future! Head held high today, all day thinking of you and Marilla ❤

    • Great to see your juicy comments! Wanna call me when I’m sittin’ in carpool line (1:45-2:15) today? No pressure, just if you can I’ll answer it.

      While I hesitated posting my 7-year-old saying the “sunshine” phrase, I can tell everyone that the crazy sh*t shown on the ubiquitous Nick Jr. and Nick channels is far worse!!! I discussed with her how she can’t say that to her friends or at school but she can say it judiciously, of course, in 11 years! 🙂

      p.s. You’re right – we are NOT messes. We can grow people and love them and do our best. None of that is connected with being a mess!

  2. Ha! Love the pics. I just discovered this French woman who is taking pics of people with BPD and am working on a post about her. They’re amazing! No head clutching. Will share soon. xoxo

  3. What a wonderful gift your daughter gave you! Indeed you are not a mess, but a wonderfully complex individual. It is not only your strengths but also your flaws that make you who you are. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, then that is all that matters – besides, apparently your daughter loves you for who you are! Draw inspiration from that!

    • Awww, thanks Vic! A belated thanks, that is. Everyone has had the creeping crud cold bug around here over the weekend & today, which reallly cramps my style when it comes to relaxing in the blogosphere. 😉

      I know I hit the jackpot with my girls. They are far from “easy” but I adore them, flaws and all. So that means I need to lighten up a bit when it comes to my own flaws as well. I haven’t met anyone perfect lately, have you? I don’t think I’d want to either! take good care, thanks again for a beautiful comment, and (((hugs)))! I’ll catch up on *your* blog this week! Glad you wrote after your “hiatus”!

  4. What a lovely little girl you have! And how much she loves you is so apparent in the video. Unfortunately, we can be reduced to messes at times, especially when we have a mental illness. But you are right, the media needs to portray us in our strong moments too, not just in our weak, messy ones! Love the ditty and the post and love you too for, as always, speaking out for all of us. xxxooo

    • Thank you, my sweetness. You always lift my spirits – can I bottle *you* please and take one Samina daily???? XOXOXO p.s. I’m behind on reading everyone’s blogs – I’ve had both girls sick @ home for the past 3 days and I got the bug too. I’m definitely looking forward to catching up on your glorious blog!

  5. We men do the head clutch, too! I should take a photo of me doing it so you can see.

      • I remember reading & retweeting your excellent “Finding Your Feet in a Depression” post (although I didn’t comment, you know I was there.) and yep, there you are doing the half-clutch. Makes me sad to see that; I don’t want you to have to go through anything that brings on The Dreaded Clutch.

        Thanks for sharing, Joel and for reminding us all that’s it’s not just women who do the clutch. I appreciate all the wonderful advocacy you do through Bipolar Blobs, whoops – I mean BLOGS, and much more.

        Hope you get at least one great hike in this weekend!
        Please keep in touch – it’s a honor to have you comment.

        Dyane 🙂

  6. Oh my gosh so cute! I love that video! Sorry I missed a few posts, somehow WordPress didn’t have me “following” you anymore (and I’ve been having technical difficulties logging into twitter too). I’m glad I popped over to see what was going on!

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