I Miss You Dad

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I dedicate these beautiful lyrics to my best friend on the other side, Richard David Leshin, who died January 6th, 2009.

p.s. Dad, I know you’re reading this. I’m gonna kick your ass when I see you again for leaving us way too soon. I’m sorry I missed your funeral, but I wanted to join you wherever you wound up going, you see?

I had to admit myself yet again, but you know that too, don’t you. That place had shit food by the way – no homemade pesto or grilled swordfish, or, God forbid, red wine.

The pain of losing you will never go away in my lifetime, but I can finally live with it now.  Your death almost destroyed me.  Bipolar depression almost destroyed me, but I made it.

I made it.

I love you.

your “little Dyane”

La Historia de un Sueño

 Sorry I came without calling first
This is not the time or place
But I had to tell you
That in heaven, it’s not too bad
Tomorrow you won’t remember
“It was only a dream,” you’ll tell yourself
And my reply will be in the form of a shooting star

Now you’d better get some rest
Let me tuck you in like I did years ago
Do you remember when I used to sing you to sleep?
They only let me come,
Enter your dreams to see you
It’s just, that on that sad night
I couldn’t tell you goodbye

And when it was time for me to go
To that land of peace
I just wanted to tell you goodbye,
Give you a kiss and see you one more time.
I promise you, you’ll be happy
So put on that beautiful smile

And like that, only like that
Do I want to remember you
Like that, like before,
Like that, looking forward
Like that,
You made my life better
Like that

And now I anoint you
Only you will continue our journey
Well, it’s getting late
I have to leave now
In a few seconds you’ll wake up.

This is a loose translation of the song “La Historia de un Sueño” by La Oreja de Van Gogh. I want to thank Michelle Mendoza Ward for sharing this song in her blog SuperMom Mentality; the post is:  http://theearthquakers.wordpress.com/2014/12/26/the-story-of-a-dream/

Dyane & Dad 002I was eight months pregnant with my first daughter Avonlea 

31 thoughts on “I Miss You Dad

  1. You have a lovely blog and lovely sentiments. I suffer from bipolar disorder although not of the postpartum type. I appreciate your getting the word out about MI.

    • Thank you very much, lilypup – sorry to take so long to reply. It has been “one of those weeks”, and I know you understand. I appreciate your kind comment and for taking a moment out of your day – you brightened up my morning!

  2. Warm wishes and I hope you find comfort in wonderful memories! Sincerest regards, Vic

    • A belated but very sincere thank you, darling blahpolar – I didn’t think I was going to write about it. I even got Dad’s “deathday” mixed up in my brain, and I thought it was this Friday!

      But all of a sudden I felt compelled to write about it, and I am so glad that I did.

      p.s. I think you’ll appreciate this little story… I was driving around with Marilla (age 7) and she has always been very fascinated by death, unlike her big sis. She even watched “Long Island Medium” with me on t.v. (yep – i admit it), and when we spoke of the 6th being the day her grandfather died, we talked about what to call it. She knows that a birthday is called, well, a birthday. So why not call a death day a deathday, right? And yours truly started belting out “Happy Deathday to You!” to the tune of “Happy Birthday”. I couldn’t help it. Marilla liked it and it made her laugh, so it was all good.

      • He would have laughed his fucking ass off! I loved the fact that he cursed liked a superfreak – one normally wouldn’t associate a potty mouth like him with also being a Juilliard-trained, Fulbright Scholarship-winning, Stradivarius-owning, Los Angeles Philharmonic violinist-playing virtuoso, ha ha ha! (and hell yeah, I name drop when it comes to him, first because I can….and second because he had bipolar; it’s cool to describe him as being much more than just one word that usually doesn’t get the greatest respect if you know what I’m sayin’ )

      • Oh my fucking goodness, I keep trying not to swear on christian blogs and then the christians fucking well swear! I googled your dad, because je sounds awesome and I dig violins. Got any links?

  3. This is absolutely beautiful Dyane. I am so sorry for your loss, he sounds like he was a truly wonderful man, and I know he is looking down on you right now and is so proud on how far you have come and everything you have achieved. xx

    • Thank you so much, Rachael! He really was wonderful, and I wish I had been able to be with him when he crossed over. It’s my biggest regret, I must say. But that’s how it goes, and the important thing is that I had him in my life. Thanks again for your sweet comment – it warms my heart & soul!

  4. I posted this on the anniversary of my father’s death too. As you know, he died from complications of untreated bipolar disorder 4 years ago. That’s a very sweet picture of you with your father and I’m sure he understands about you missing the funeral. (I hope my translation does this song justice. I call it a loose translation b/c it is really what I understand it to mean, and it has meant so much to me – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzKXalv3Gog)

    • I can’t thank you enough – and I had forgotten that your father also had bipolar (forgive me!! I space out all the time….) I loved your translation and I’m absolutely certain it did the song justice! Thanks for providing the link to the song, by the way. I have so many better pictures of me and Dad, but I only have a few scanned on my laptop, which needs to change since I write about him often & I want to use different pics. He had such a huge influence upon me, and he always will. I know you understand.

      Much love, (((hugs))) and blessings to you!

    • I should say to honor his memory because duh of course you remember your father lol sorry that did not come out how I wanted it too!

  5. I’m a little teary eyed reading those lyrics. Thinking of you. Thanks for sharing your beautiful tribute to your dad. It’s a sweet song.

    • I love you, W!!!!! I think of you every day. (with LOVE, LOL! 😉 Will email you with the latest, the greatest, and the not-so-greatest. Your support helps me deal better with all of it!!!


    • I’m honored you read this, and thank you for following my blog. I know tomorrow will be difficult, but I can tell from your writing you are a remarkable, strong woman and you will make it through…take care, and I look forward to your next post!

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