The past week has been so mundane that I was tempted to skip today’s post as I didn’t want to put you to sleep. But as a fervent blog reader, I appreciate other bloggers’ “blah” posts sometimes even more than the impressive, erudite “Fresh Pressed”-esque ones. However, I don’t feel a sense of schadenfreude when I read about a blogger’s dreary, everyday struggles. What happens is that I often connect with that writing on a deeper level. It also feels good to know I’m not the only one plodding along with often bipolar-related challenges that few people in my life understand.
My groggylicious fatigue didn’t magically disappear last week. I received my psychiatrist’s blessing to lower my already-low dose of quetiapine (Seroquel), a medication associated with fatigue. Dr. D. suggested that I chart daily how I’m affected by the med change. It’s too soon for me to tell if lowering the amount is helping or hindering; I’ll need at least another week to sort it out.
I’ve been dragging despite doing (mostly) healthy habits. Worst of all, I haven’t felt like working on my book. This scares me more than any zombie movie or True Tori Season II episode could.
While I allowed myself to have two days off (per my writing mentor Wendy K. Williamson’s advice), I didn’t jump back into my writing routine as I had planned.
It’s not too late to jump back in…the day is still young. I can still open my Word file and start tapping away – no one is stopping me. It takes all of, what, ten seconds to double click the icon? Even if I write for a measly ten minutes I’ll feel better. I always do. Every writing book I’ve read, such as the Natalie Goldberg bestseller “Writing Down the Bones” or the more recent SARK book “Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper” asserts that what matters is to keep the writing momentum going whether I’m feeling fired up about it or not. (It turns out that I did write for a little while, which was a triumph!)
Throughout my life I’ve been an “all or nothing” gal in many respects. When “nothing” describes my writing output, I start to panic. Since this has been a dismal writing week, I’ve had niggling thoughts such as “Just give it up – you’re never going to finish!” and “F*ck it.”
Then I tell those thoughts to go where the sun don’t shine!!!
Although my writing drive has dampened, there remains a voice inside that says to keep going. While my book isn’t going to be of Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison-caliber, or possibly “Sweet Valley High: Double Love”, that’s okay; I resigned myself to that fact long ago.
That’s where I’m at on a cold, quiet Monday morning.
One thing I know for sure:
One thing I know for sure is that the humdrums * too shall pass! If you’re also going through the humdrums, feel free to vent below. I won’t bill you for it. 😉
Take good care of yourselves, my friends,
* “humdrums” is defined as “lacking variety, boring, dull”, and “humdrumming” isn’t an actual word as far as I know, but I like the sound of it!
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I was nominated by the bestselling author/bipolar advocate
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