“Where Were You?”


Dearest Readers,

I hope with all my heart and soul you’ll never understand this poem from a firsthand point-of-view.




“Where Were You?”

Where were you
When I was in the mental hospitalย 
I don’t buy the excuses
And I will never forget it
Someday when you face death
Like I did
And you are trapped in a dismal hospital room
I think you will understand
Why I am so fucking furious
That no one came
Find another friend
I finally know
I am worth far more
Than being ignored and forgotten and feared

30 thoughts on ““Where Were You?”

    • Thank you bipolar2what – at this point I feel little hope about forgiving and forgetting about the mess. Although if (more like “when” in this day & age) any of them get hospitalized/receive hospice @ home for grave illness of any kind, I’ll rise above my rage and show up if I’m allowed.

  1. Thanks so much – I wish I didn’t harbor such an enormous amount of rage, but I do and that’s the truth of it. Everyone thinks I’m the smiley, sweetie pie who “got over it” but I’m far from being free of the anger, hurt, and confusion. It’s the blood relative no-shows who baffled and disappointed me the most…and while someday I may forgive them, I highly doubt it. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    • Wish I knew you then. And it wasn’t just one hospitalization, but seven lengthy ones since my Oct. 2007 diagnosis after Marilla was born Aug 26, 2007. I had a handful of visitors for the first hospitalization, but afterrwards that was pretty much it.

      • Seven hospitalizations! I cannot even imagine. I still fear hospitalization, and my hospitalization happened nine years ago, was voluntary, and was a healing experience. The hospital had an excellent program, and my husband and son visited every evening. Unfortunately, the program no longer exists and the alternatives are not as good. Families should be an integral part of treatment. I saw my husband and son, but the hospital did not reach out to or communicate with my husband who was left completely in the dark. My husband is an anxious man with a history of losing dear friends to early death. He needed my psychiatrist to talk to him, and my psychiatrist would not return his phone calls. I did not know about this situation. If I had, I would have spoken to my pdoc about it. My husband did not want to burden me with his fears. But I’m pretty assertive and wished that he had. No family should be left in the dark when their loved one is hospitalized. I signed the permission form for them to share information with my husband. Outrageous. WE NEED MAJOR REFORM. Obviously, even my experience was far from ideal.

    • Kitt, thank you for adding your comment about your hospitalization 9 years ago & that you still fear hospitalization. That helps me put things into perspective. I pray every day I’ll never go back to any hospital for personal mental health reasons (or anything bad!) I just want to go for births and to comfort others in their time of need!!!!!!!!

      Also, you are absolutely right about the fact that no family should be out of the loop when one member is hospitalized – the very thought is hard to imagine, yet it happened with your husband. It sounds to me that the psychiatrist behaved in an unethical fashion & I’m so sorry that happened…your husband sounds like an incredible man and I am glad you are with such a supportive and deeply kind person.

  2. I’ve only had one hospitalization and it was such a blur. I remember not wanting any visitors except my husband. Thankfully, those who wanted to come really bad, like my mom, respected my wishes and did not. I’m sorry you, on the other hand wanted people there who were not. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    • Oh WiL, I am sorry that you too have had a hospitalization. I met other patients who told me they informed their families they didn’t want visitors because they were too depressed and ashamed….I completely understood that. I appreciate your reading my blog and making a thoughtful comment very much.

      I’m thinking of you and your wonderful decision to quit smoking. Both of my grandmothers died of lung cancer associated with smoking, and I was extremely close to one of them. To watch her die in agony in that specific way affected me profoundly, and I never picked up a cigarette after that.

      You are doing something very difficult and brave. I’m rooting for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Thank you so much. Your support and cheers on fb and here mean a lot to me. I save the email notifications I get from fb and reread them when I need some quick encouragement. :). Thanks again for your thoughts and kind words.

    • It’s my pleasure to cheer you on – I have tremendous respect for what you’re doing and I’ll follow your journey – know that someone “out there” is thinking of you, on your side always! You rock!

  3. Wow. What an amazing sea of expressions! Loved it. Thank God I can not relate to it first hand. People who are with you in hardships are real humans. I wish you will never ever have to face that ever again !

    • Thank you sweet Zephyr – I too hope it’s a thing of the past. It helps to write about my anger and sadness. I know it’s not pleasant reading for others, but at least it’s short! ๐Ÿ™‚ Sending you love and light always, Dy

      p.s. I love what you wrote: “sea of expressions” SO cool!

  4. What a gift to be able to spill your pain in those powerful words. My first few hospitalizations people showed up but as the bipolar world turned friends scattered. I cried with blood tears how lonely life became. I was once adored by many friends only to wake up and have a couple straggling on with a once a year conversation. I tend to blame most of it on bipolar disorder and direct my anger at the disease, but as time passes I feel myself letting go of it all. I am trying to rebuild my life again and can honestly say I am thrilled to call you my friend!

    • Hi Amy! So great to read your comment – it inspires me to read that you are letting go of your anger. I could learn a thing or two from you, which is why I follow your blog and read your posts so religiously! ๐Ÿ™‚ I am honored to be a friend of yours!

  5. There is so much pain in this post and I hope those who weren’t there to support you can feel it.
    This illness truly brings out the best in those who supposedly love us. I hope that you’re on the mend. Take care of you and know that tthere are tons of us out here who are supporting you.

    • Aww, thank you, Kimberly, for your comment & for the follow! It’s an honor to have the creator of “All Work and No Play Make Mommy Go Something, Something” follow the blog!

      I’m on the mend, but it hasn’t been that long since this experience went down (a year) which sounds like a while, but it’s really not long according to my brain. Plus there’s PTSD involved from the multiple hospitalizations. (Love those labels! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ )

      Anyway, it really helps me to write about it and share with others who are up for the reading. I love my blogosphere community – it has been such a beautiful surprise in my life! I can feel the support out there and I cherish each & every drop.

      Sending you hugs & thanks again for stopping by! ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxox Dy


  6. Dear Dyane…
    The Poem is Jus so Beautiful and deeply touches the every reader’s heart…It clearly depicts the traumatic experience u have undergone..Especially the loneliness .. The person is so unlucky to lose a sweet friend like u.. Happy that u had overcome everything…Stay Blessed… <3…

    • Your comment made me feel wonderful – thank you – I’m now working on healing the trauma and focus on the light as much as possible! You are incredibly kind. Your compassion truly made my day, dear Angelinsideyou! Love & hugs!

      • My sweet Dyane …. I was having a terrible two weeks at work … Dat was why I couldn’t blog … U are always in my thoughts … Love ya… You r going to be awesome … God is always on Ur side. .. Have a great day … XOXOXOXO…

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